Becoming Me

'Tis the season to bake cookies, so the other day I decided to make this years first batch of Christmas cookies with Helen.  She was thrilled, and I was thrilled to get to share with her something that I really love to do.  So I set out to teach her how to ball up the dough, roll it out, and then cut it into shapes.  In the process she got frustrated saying, "mommy I can't do it."  My response was, "honey, one day you will be just like mommy, and you will be able to do it."  She replied, "I don't want to be just like you."   Being taken aback by her words, I asked her, "who do you want to be like?"  She said, "I want to be like me."

As an artist I often ask myself the same question.  Who do I want to be like?  Who do I want to sound like?  What should l look like?  Who's career should I model?  In a world that is influenced by a cookie cutting industry, there is a lot of confusion on what defines success.  The simple truth  is that I need to accept who I am and become the greatest version of me that I can be.  Leave it to the innocent confidence of a 4 year old to be that reminder.  She is an amazing soul.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

As most of you know, I am part of a trio called Maeve.  Rollyn Bornhorst, Courtney Reid and I have been musical partners for a decade.  It took 10 years and 10 albums, to finally get to what I consider to be our best release to date and one of the most satisfying, inspirational, musical and spiritual experiences of my life. 

It's one week away from what is becoming Maeve's busiest time of year.  Also known as, "the most wonderful time of the year".  We are gearing up for many Christmas concerts that will be happening throughout the month of December.  Last year we made a "Maeve dream" come true, but finally recording an album of traditional Christmas hymns as well as 4 original Christmas songs.  These songs of peace, joy, love and ultimately freedom were birthed because of the birth of God himself and remain mysteriously fresh regardless of when they were written.  It is so appropriate the this album was recorded in a barn.  The process of capturing the songs and entering in to their message was joyfully overwhelming.  I'm so glad I got to experience something unforgettable with my 2 musical partners, and life long friends.


Please check your calendar and ours at  www.maevemusic.com, and see if perhaps over the month of December, you could join us as we sing these sacred songs, in a new way.


Also, check out one of the original tunes on the Christmas album, along with a lovely view of my fireplace :)

The Craftsman - a new song

My husband, Mark, has recently been involved with creating video content for the marriage movement and the recovery movement.  In both cases, brokenness is a big topic.  I have been challenged to dig deep and to create visual imagery through song about redeeming lost and broken things. 

We have personally been inspired by the art of Rich Dunbrack, an artist / furniture craftsman whose work will make you smile (www.thethievingmagpie.com).  He is known for taking old, forgotten, damaged goods and integrating them into his work for functional art.  Mark is in the process of creating a story of redemption by using video imagery of Rich’s work and tying it into the recovery process.  Here is one song I recently wrote for this series on recovery.  It’s called “The Craftsman”, along with pictures I've taken of Rich's artwork.  Stay tuned for the recovery video which is in production.

Halloween is a bit confusing...

Conflict #1
This was my first year taking my children trick or treating.  I told my 4 year old what was about to take place, and she had a dumbfounded look on her face as if to say, "are you kidding me?  I'm about to receive a bucket of candy and you are OK with it?"  This is contrary to ever other day in our life, when I explain how bad candy is for her and how it only leads to a belly ache.
Conflict #2
Halloween is a day where many people take joy in dressing up like killers.  On Halloween it is consider fun to become the likeness of something terrible.  It's a day where one gets to act like something that would otherwise in real life be unacceptable.  So on Halloween night when we pass someone on the street wearing a hockey mask,  I am allowed to say to my children, "no, no, honey, don't be scared that person is just pretending to be a serial killer.  It's OK."
Conflict #3
In an effort to reduce the amount of candy that my children would eat, and because I love to bake,  I chopped up all of the peanut butter cups and snickers bars and made a 9x13 pan of cookies.  Now who do you think is going to eat that?

Nothing Good Comes Easy

So I touched on the thought that, "nothing good comes easy" in the beginning of my last post.  And in my short list of good things that don't come easy, I mentioned writing a song. 

I am a mother, a wife, a baker, a friend, a bookkeeper, a songwriter...
From the moment I wake up to the moment that my two children go to sleep (roughly by 7:30pm) I am 100% devoted to their needs.  Anything that I could possibly want to do during the day, has to be weighed out and determined whether or not I can accomplish that thing in the presence of my kids.  Most things, aside from being a mother, have to take place in the evening hours.  On a good night, discipline rules and I can head nose first into the world of songwriting. 

Art begins with spontaneous inspiration from who knows where.  The words are all there floating around, I just need to reach up, grab them and place them together like a puzzle.  Sometimes I have a clear path and a story forms in such a fluid way, it's thrilling.  Other times, there is a lot of muddle to work through and I will have spent 3 to 4 hours of the evening in frustration like a Phlebotomist that can't find the vein.  It is in those moments that I have crazy thoughts filled with self doubt.  "Who do you think you are?  You call yourself a song writer?  You've wasted an entire evening?  Pack it up!"  If I were to listen to those thoughts and let them win, I would die.  I would be losing a vital piece of who I am. 

So in those times of writers block, there is only one thing for me to do.  Go to bed.  Get re-energized.  6AM comes really soon and the other vital parts of me need attention as well.  Perhaps the pitter patter of little feet running down the hall will create new inspiration.  My eyes will be awake and open to all the creative possibilities a new day will bring.  That much needed rest, I hope, will give me a fresh perspective and allow me to believe that tomorrow is a new day, the evening will come again and I WILL write another song.

Holding the Pose

I find it amazing that anything that's really good, doesn't come easy.  I can name a few obvious things, the birth of a child, saving money for a down payment on a home, the traffic you have to fight through after a long day of work, writing a great song... the list goes on.
My husband and I have recently been consumed by a rather large life decision.  It's one of those decisions that either way you go, you won't be wrong, but because we can't see the future, we are riddled with the options of what will ultimately be the best choice for our family.  The best thing to do when you find yourself at a cross roads, is of course to pray, and hope that the Spirit moves you like a weather vane and points you in the right direction.  While waiting for that wind to blow, you can either get knocked over, disoriented, frustrated, etc.  or allow yourself to sink into the inner peace that comes from faith.
This summer I have been exercising frequently.  I play the same podcast with the same instructor about 3 times a week.  There is a pose the instructor loves to have us hold for long durations, of course, because it will ultimately net a great butt and thighs, but the other motive is to grow in the ability to relax in the face of something challenging.  The idea is to focus less on the struggle, and more on all the good stuff that is going on around you.  Perhaps its a resting pose, a time to quiet the mind.
At the moment, we don't know which way we are going to go, but while we wait at the cross roads, in our pose, I'm learning how to be alive and breathe through it.

A Song for a Rainy Day

This Summer I started writing songs with my good friend Jim Trick (jimtrick.com).  Songs come from lots of different places but one of the best sources for songwriting material are the true stories of others....  This entry is about one of our new songs and the story behind it.  

My girlfriend is a photographer.  She was sharing with me about a wedding she had just shot the day before hurricane Irene hit.  The bride was in tears as she looked out at the rain pouring down on her outdoor sanctuary and said, "this wasn't the plan".  Although the desire was to have the perfect weather to accompany her dreams of a perfect day, perhaps this imperfection was actually perfection.  My girlfriend described the bride walking through the mud, the guests wearing raincoats and the best man on his knees, holding an umbrella over the bride and groom to shelter them as they stood close to exchange rings and vows.  Although not ideal, when she looks back at her wedding day, she will have the memory of the level of love that was shared and how it continued weather rain or shine.  I was practically moved to tears, and decided this story needed a song.
If you click on the link below, you can hear the song Jim and I wrote being played as the soundtrack to the slide show of their wedding pictures.  It's called "Weather or Not".

http://shylaphotography.com/slideshows/tessahamo/

 

So here I am...

Laying in an almost pitch black room.  My 4 year old daughter is nestled up against me.  She's shooting her flashlight at the ceiling and making shapes with her hand, discovering shadows and the way the light bends.  It's a new world for her and everyday a new discovery.  As I am with her, I can't help but think of all the things I need to get done, all the things that are put on hold, and I catch myself doing it.  It's work sometimes to stop my thoughts from being where I am not.   She called me into this room to be with her.  I get to experience this moment.
So here I am...

Loafing

It's an early fall  morning and this day is more reminiscent of late July humidity then of a day appropriate for the sweaters I just pulled out of storage, preparing for the seasons change.  The sun is trying to poke through the clouds, as if the day is tossing and turning deciding what it's going to be.
Thoreau said:

“If a man walks in the woods for love of them half of each day, he is in danger of being regarded as a loafer. But if he spends his days as a speculator, shearing off those woods and making the earth bald before her time, he is deemed an industrious and enterprising citizen.”

 

Today I'm choosing to be a loafer.